We all enter marriage with high hopes and lofty dreams. We take our vows seriously and enter into them with the mindset that we will have an everlasting union. So, when things go awry in our marriage, it is difficult to know when enough is enough. How do we determine when to call it quits? How can we be sure that we should get a divorce?
It is always important to fully explore the problems that are occurring with our spouse. However, we should not begin a discussion of our issues with divorce in mind. Rather, we should talk about how to resolve the problems without getting divorced. If we are able to have such a talk with our partner, gain knowledge about one another’s perspectives on the issues and devise some strategies to combat the problems, then our marriage is worth working on. If we are able to employ the strategies for relationship repair and they bring fruitful results, we can see that divorce is obviously the wrong thing for us.
If this talk does not bring about a rekindling of our marriage, then it may also be helpful to seek the advice of a professional. We, and our partner, may feel ambivalent about seeing a counselor or therapist, but it is a worthwhile venture for those considering a divorce. This third party serves as a mediator in our discussions and assists us in formulating strategies to help our marriage. The contributions of a relationship expert can certainly be invaluable in these difficult times. Once again, if we can utilize this input to strengthen our relationship, we should eliminate the thought of divorce from our mind.
In the event that our efforts to resolve the issues within our marriage fail, then we really need to examine the fundamentals of good relationships. First, we must ask our self whether there is a loss of trust. If we do not trust our partner, or they do not trust us, this is a very troubling issue. Trust is extremely hard to build in the first place, which makes it that much more difficult to rebuild. Also, we need to think about whether there is still respect between oneself and our partner. Again, this is a building block of a good relationship. If the respect is gone, everything else will crumble. When these elements are absent, a marriage absolutely will not last. If we and our partner are willing to give the time and patience necessary to rebuild them, then do so. If we or our partner cannot work on respect and trust, it is time to call it quits.
When we look at our relationship and truly analyze its aspects, we must be mindful of the need to make an effort to resolve the problems within it. Taking the time and effort to discuss our problems as a couple, either independently or with a professional, will help to get the issues out in the open and give us an opportunity to solve them. However, if we find that the foundation of our relationship is gone- trust and respect- and we do not wish to address these keys issues, it may be time to move forward with our lives by moving on.