It seems that so much emphasis is put on men and women alike to serial date in order to find that perfect partner, to settle down, marry, and have babies as soon as is possible! However, this line of thought can not only force you to lose focus on the actual person that you are dating, but it can oftentimes lead you astray when you find that things just aren’t exactly as you’d hoped that they would be. There are a few simple, but crucial, mistakes that we all make when embarking on the dating journey; by being aware of them you will not only be able to avoid making them, but you will be able to direct your focus to things that will work towards building a relationship.
The Ex Factor
Face it, we all do it! We all talk about our ex’s when we start dating someone new. Whether it is because they are still in our lives as a result of sharing children, or simply because we feel compelled to define and explain any gaps in our dating history – we all do it! The truth is that, unlike a job interview, you don’t need to fill in the gaps. You don’t need to explain why your previous relationship crumbled, sending you back to the dating trenches. Until your relationship with your new partner is one that is established, it is best to steer clear of most topics that concern your ex. Not only will your new love interest get the impression that you may still be hung up on your ex, but it is simply bad manners to keep making references to a prior relationship!
By over-thinking and over-analyzing every little potentially negative detail related to your date, the places you go, the things they say or do, you are not only going to drive yourself closer to the edge of insanity, but you are not allowing yourself to focus on the things that make this person special! Sometimes an offered rose is just a kind sweet gesture, and sometimes a hug is just an affectionate hug – nothing more. On the flip side to that – sometimes your date may just actually be tired or have a headache! Do not allow yourself to fill in the blanks with negative issues that just are not there.
While, for most of us, the ultimate goal of entering into the dating realm is to find that one special person to settle down with, there is nothing that can scare someone away faster that bringing up kids, marriage, retirement plants, or even meeting your parents too soon! Take it slow, take it one date at a time – if things work out between you, there is plenty of time to discuss your future together.
One of the more damaging mistakes that you can make is to lose too much of yourself by making entirely too many sacrifices in the early stages of a relationship. You may find yourself ditching your friends at the last minute because your new love interest has decided they are free NOW. You may find yourself participating in activities that you just don’t enjoy, or even hanging around a different type of crowd you don’t generally approve of. It is important, not just for yourself, but for the stability of your potential relationship that you are true to yourself and your beliefs.
Ignoring The Red Flags
Be certain that you don’t overlook and make up excuses for any behaviors that you would otherwise label as red flags in others. Grabbing your arm too firmly while fussing with each other, sudden aggressive and hurtful words, or hiding his cell phone from you and answering text messages throughout the course of your dates. The sooner you address any potential red flags, the sooner you will know whether this one is worth sticking around for.