Losing a loved one is perhaps the hardest thing that anyone who is in love can experience; the loss not only leaves a giant hole in your life, but it affects your goals, your plans, and your direction for the future too. Well-meaning friends and family members may try to offer words of wisdom, or simply try to encourage you to start dating again by setting you up on blind dates. It is important, however, to listen to your own instincts and allow yourself to move on only when you are well and ready to do so.
Allowing Yourself To Grieve
By giving yourself the permission needed to cry, scream, feel anger and rage, you are allowing yourself to embrace the very natural feelings that accompany the loss of a loved one. If you do not accept that you will feel this way then you are very likely to either never find your way out of the black hole that grief has placed you into, or you are likely to see the grief manifest itself in other negative ways. Certainly, if you have small children, you must stand strong for them – but if you do not show them that it is okay to feel sad and that it is okay to cry then you are likely leading them down the path of potential behavior problems in the future.
The Passage Of Time
The cliché of “time heals all wounds” must not have been taking the loss of a loved one into consideration. No matter how much time has elapsed, chances are that you are always going to see, hear, and feel subtle reminders of your late partner. One of the primary key points to help yourself accept and manage these reminders is to try to focus on the warm memories that they bring with them; by focusing more on the happy memories and less on the feelings of loss, you may find that those subtle reminders bring a smile to your face instead of tears in your eyes and a pain in your heart.
There is no set time when it comes to the length of time that will be needed for you to feel that you are ready to step into the possibility of a new relationship. This is something that only you can decide.
– Do you feel ready to open your heart to a potential new love?
– Does your grief allow you the possibility of potentially sharing your bed with someone new?
It is vital that you, and only you, take the time needed to evaluate your life now and how it will be impacted by your decision to foray into the dating world again. If you have small children it may be necessary to place your focus, instead, on them and their abilities to cope with the loss in your family. Older children who have moved out of the home and have lives of their own should not be a deciding factor in your decision to start dating again – your decision to do so does not directly impact their day-to-day lives.