The decision to end your marriage, and potentially all forms of relationship with your spouse, is a decision that should not be taken lightly. While there are certainly several good reasons to choose to immediately end your relationship with your spouse, there are just as many good reasons to take the time to evaluate if ending the relationship is in the best interest of all parties involved.
While yours may not be a happy marriage, it may be one that offers strong financial security. Remaining in an unhappy marriage purely for financial reasons is never a good idea; however, before you rashly apply for a divorce, you should take the time to ensure that you can take care of yourself financially based solely on your own income. If you find that both you and your spouse will struggle when trying to stand on your own financial feet, then you should give great consideration to discussing all of your concerns with your spouse – in a truthful and understanding manner. Perhaps it makes more sense for each of you to work on the goal of being able to support yourselves; once you are each able to take care of your financial needs then you should consider taking the final steps towards legal divorce.
Keeping the marriage intact strictly for your children is not necessarily in the best interests of your children. If there is a high level of stress and conflict within your marriage, then you can be sure that your children have already picked up on this. The things that you should consider, when thinking about your children, is if they may possibly be better served by having two parents who are much happier in their lives – even if they live apart from one another. While it is the rare child who encourages their parents to get divorced, all children can greatly benefit from not having to bear witness to the stress and conflict between their parents.
What Are Your Reasons
-Are you tired of repeating the same disagreements with your spouse?
-Are the financial issues just too much to deal with?
-Does your spouse refuse to tell you how they feel?
If your reasons for wanting a divorce can be attributed to several factors that have the potential to be repaired by counseling or increased communication between the two of you, then you should give serious and careful consideration to trying to make your marriage a success before you terminate it. Many a marriage can be saved simply by applying the basic rules of communication and compromise.
-Has there been an infidelity on either side?
-Is abuse a deciding factor?
If your reasons for wanting a divorce are simply not factors that can be ignored or remedied, then you should certainly take the steps that will ultimately lead you to a safer and more stable life without your spouse.
The decision to get a divorce is one of the most heart-wrenching and difficult choices a person will probably ever have to make in their life. It is a time that is often characterized by an enormous amount of stress and sadness. With these emotions also comes the fear of the unknown; an unparalleled point in life when we repeatedly ask ourselves where we will go from here. During such a tumultuous time, it is important to recognize the positives in our life and use this as an opportunity to strengthen the relationships that remain.
At such a difficult time, it is hard to be optimistic about our present, nonetheless about the future. However, we must force ourselves to look upon this as an opportunity in life, rather than a closed door. This is a time when we can take control in our lives and plan the direction we want to go. It seems common for us to have given-up a dream or desire in life and this is the time to regain what we sacrificed. We cannot be pulled down by a divorce. We must consider it a place to be reborn; our own personal renaissance.
For those who have children, this can compound the stress of the situation and add an immense amount of guilt. Again, though, we must “count our blessings” and help our children do the same. It is integral that we do not insult our spouse, nor can we allow ourselves to exclude them from processing the divorce with our children. As within our own lives, a divorce can present children an opportunity for personal growth.
This is also a chance for us to strengthen our current relationships, rekindle those of our past and build new ones. In addition, we can also involve our children in these socializing efforts. There are innumerable benefits to exercising our kinships and friendships, especially during trying times. The experiences and advice of others can be invaluable for both parents and children.
In addition to calling on the strength of our loved ones to help ourselves and our children through a divorce, the expertise of those holding and participating in support groups can be a wonderful resource. Associating with these individuals provides us, not just with support, but also with knowledge and insight. These groups can also serve as the starting point for life-long friendships built upon a common bond.
In the trying times of divorce, we do have to accept the loss of our marriage; a relationship that is, no doubt, one of the most significant in an individual’s life. However, we must focus our attention on our children and the other relationships that are important to us. We must utilize this as an opportunity to see things from an optimistic perspective and start anew, cherishing those people who still exist in our lives and constructing fresh relationships to take on this journey with us.
It was a difficult decision, but you and your spouse have agreed that it is time to get a divorce. You have not told your children yet and are very intimidated by the mere idea of explaining it to them. You, nor your husband, have even made them aware that there were problems. You grapple with how to share this information with them without feeling as though you’re dropping a bomb on them.
This is, without a doubt, an extremely complicated situation. You must address this very emotional topic with your children at a time when you certainly do not feel your strongest. There are a number of ways that parents can inform children of an impending divorce, but doing it on a whim is not the best strategy. You should only discuss this issue with your children after you, and your spouse, have discussed it at length and have a plan for addressing your children’s questions and concerns.
The first step is to talk to your spouse about the amount of information you want to share with your children. It is important for both of you to be united on this topic, even in the midst of divorce. The best thing parents can do for their children during this time is to remain a team when it comes to parenting. Some parents will simply want to inform their children that they no longer feel the same way about one another, thus they cannot stay married. Other parents will want to share more about the reasons behind the decision to split. Whatever your decision, the children are going to ask questions and it is your responsibility to know how you will respond in advance.
It is also important to inform the children of the divorce in a calm, comfortable, familiar atmosphere. The family and dining rooms are good choices, but eliminating distractions is integral. Both parents need to be there, as the children will likely have questions for each. Avoid using a tone of negativity. Even though it may be a difficult situation, you would not be going forward with it if the positives did not outweigh the negatives. Often, the way in which the news is framed makes an immense difference in how it is received. It is also necessary to assure the children that the divorce has nothing to do with them. More often than not, children of divorce report feelings that the divorce was their fault.
After making your children aware of the divorce and thoroughly processing their feelings and concerns, it is essential to keep them informed of the other changes that will be taking place. Certainly, you or your spouse will be leaving the main family home. Also, the children will be splitting their time between parents, as well as each parent’s extended family. The divorce may also impact the children’s schooling, peer relationships and socioeconomic status, among other things. It is important to talk about these changes with the children, rather than just watching the changes take place. In processing each step of the divorce process and its implications with the children, we are reducing their anxiety and fear, as well as keeping them emotional healthy.
We all enter marriage with high hopes and lofty dreams. We take our vows seriously and enter into them with the mindset that we will have an everlasting union. So, when things go awry in our marriage, it is difficult to know when enough is enough. How do we determine when to call it quits? How can we be sure that we should get a divorce?
It is always important to fully explore the problems that are occurring with our spouse. However, we should not begin a discussion of our issues with divorce in mind. Rather, we should talk about how to resolve the problems without getting divorced. If we are able to have such a talk with our partner, gain knowledge about one another’s perspectives on the issues and devise some strategies to combat the problems, then our marriage is worth working on. If we are able to employ the strategies for relationship repair and they bring fruitful results, we can see that divorce is obviously the wrong thing for us.
If this talk does not bring about a rekindling of our marriage, then it may also be helpful to seek the advice of a professional. We, and our partner, may feel ambivalent about seeing a counselor or therapist, but it is a worthwhile venture for those considering a divorce. This third party serves as a mediator in our discussions and assists us in formulating strategies to help our marriage. The contributions of a relationship expert can certainly be invaluable in these difficult times. Once again, if we can utilize this input to strengthen our relationship, we should eliminate the thought of divorce from our mind.
In the event that our efforts to resolve the issues within our marriage fail, then we really need to examine the fundamentals of good relationships. First, we must ask our self whether there is a loss of trust. If we do not trust our partner, or they do not trust us, this is a very troubling issue. Trust is extremely hard to build in the first place, which makes it that much more difficult to rebuild. Also, we need to think about whether there is still respect between oneself and our partner. Again, this is a building block of a good relationship. If the respect is gone, everything else will crumble. When these elements are absent, a marriage absolutely will not last. If we and our partner are willing to give the time and patience necessary to rebuild them, then do so. If we or our partner cannot work on respect and trust, it is time to call it quits.
When we look at our relationship and truly analyze its aspects, we must be mindful of the need to make an effort to resolve the problems within it. Taking the time and effort to discuss our problems as a couple, either independently or with a professional, will help to get the issues out in the open and give us an opportunity to solve them. However, if we find that the foundation of our relationship is gone- trust and respect- and we do not wish to address these keys issues, it may be time to move forward with our lives by moving on.